-So, Episode Two. -Yes.
Many people looked after you over the years.
Which of them sticks out in your mind the most?
-Out of the people at Yoshimoto. -At Yoshimoto? Well...
You and Master Osamu.
Your mentor? Of course. You were always together.
-Who else? -Who else...
You know that guy, right?
Master Aoba Shigeo. Don't know him?
-I do. -You do?
The guy who got a whistle stuck in his throat.
Yes.
This needs some explaining.
He was a comedian that would cut a straw,
put it in his mouth, and blow it like a whistle.
He would "tweet" as he spoke.
In the middle of his routine he whistled. That was his act.
But one day, he went gulp! The whistle got stuck in his throat.
The straw whistle.
I saw him as he was leaving the theater for the hospital.
The amazing thing was,
when you greet someone, you always say, "Good morning!"
He could say that with no problems.
But when he got to a certain word, he'd go, "Tweet"!
"Good--Tweet--morning!" he said.
"Sanma, I'm in trouble. A straw got 'tweet' stuck in my throat.
Now I'm going to 'tweet'...
the hospital to get fixed up. 'Tweet!'."
That guy sticks out in my memory.
I don't know if he'll appear or not, but shall we get on with it?
Episode Two.
Start.
Hey. Hey!
What are you gonna do?
-Young Boss said he'll quit. -It's all your fault!
But...
I don't...
What should I do?
Sanma.
That joke about quitting was--
Is the boss here today?
Boss?
What do you mean?
It would be rude to quit without telling him myself.
-Are you serious? -Yes.
There's no need to be so rash. You don't have to tell the boss.
You and I can talk this over. We've known each other for years.
That doesn't mean we're close!
Don't say that. I'm ready to listen to whatever you have to say.
Before going to the boss, tell me what's wrong. Come on.
You're killing me! You can tell me!
I'm all ears! Go for it.
Well...
It's about Onishi...
Onishi?
CAFE MARCHES
What will you do, Mr. Sanma? Are you really going to look after Onishi?
What do you like about him?
What do I like?
-He's funny. -What's funny about him?
He ties his dick. He yells out profanity. He's quite a moron.
There's a fine line between genius and moron.
-What? -That's right.
Big Bro Okure is right.
Maybe you don't know about this, Hibi-yan, but back in the old days,
the dressing rooms were full of half-baked comedians.
There once was a comedian
who asked some workers down a manhole if they were hot.
I remember that!
Then he said, "You need a shower!" And he peed all over them!
Are you serious?
It was Big Bro Kosobe. He was borderline criminal!
CAFE MARCHES OWNER
He got away with it because he was a "comedian."
If we had to join mainstream society, we'd all end up in an institute!
We have to keep that kid in the world of comedians.
What should I do?
How big a comedian do you think he'll be?
Young Boss is gonna quit because of me.
At this rate, he'll probably just quit.
What should I do?
-He'll just become your average pervert. -Don't say that, idiot.
But if he makes it big, he won't quit. He'll stay in our world.
So, he has to succeed. We have to make him big.
What should I do?
Thanks.
-Thanks again. -Good night.
-Mr. Sanma. This. -Huh?
Oh, thanks so much.
-Good night. -Bye, sir.
Onishi?
I am so sorry!
For what?
Because of me, you're going to...
Was it wrong?
What?
You thought as hard as you could.
You did what you thought was funniest, with all your might.
Right?
So...
is that wrong?
I'm asking you. Is that wrong?
Young Boss...
Stop crying, Onishi!
Be a man!
Yes, sir!
Good.
I can't do it!
Stop being so delicate! If you can tie your dick, you can do it!
But I can't do the shinkigeki!
We know you can't!
I don't want to see Master Oka's face ever again!
You'll have to try harder not to screw up!
I can't do it! Master Oka was so angry with me...
This is my stage!
-You'll be okay! Young Boss fixed it up. -"Dung Boss"?
Who are you calling Dung Boss? Mr. Sanma!
But "sanma" means "mackerel." Is that his real name?
Are you an idiot? Of course not!
-Really? -Nobody has a name like that!
If you don't join the shinkigeki, you'll ruin face for Young Boss.
Why? What's with this?
I said, I can't I do it!
How would you know? You haven't tried enough yet.
-You swore on live TV. That's all. -But this won't work!
Don't give up after one mistake!
Mr. Sanma asked a bunch of people favors just for you!
You have to do this for Young Boss, too.
For Young Boss...
Beginning now...
the Yoshimoto shinkigeki...
will commence its traditional ceremony.
When newcomers join the shinkigeki,
they choose which master they want to perform with the most.
Mr. Oka.
Or Big Bro Kanpei.
Or Mr. Hanaki Kyo.
And then...
after you've chosen a master...
he rapes you.
The master looks after you. You must give him everything.
Of course, you must give him your ass.
Ass?
That's the golden rule of the shinkigeki.
-The golden ass? -Whose ass is golden?
Make your choice.
My choice? I have to choose?
Who will it be? Go for it.
Who will you choose?
Mr. Oka?
Big Bro Kanpei?
Mr. Kyo Hanaki?
Who do you want to be raped by?
Mr. Kanpei.
What?
-Me? -Big Bro, you've been chosen!
Young Boss...
Please don't quit Yoshimoto.
I'll try my hardest!
-What's he doing? -What's he doing?
Mr. Kanpei. I'm yours!
Please rape me!
No way! What a filthy ass!
-I've made up my mind! -I haven't made mine!
Please come back!
-Hey! -Somebody!
Somebody, stop him!
EPISODE 2
FINALLY A COMEDIAN?
Okay, Sanma, let's have a great show!
So, here we are. This is MBS's Young Town.
Today I'd like to talk about an up-and-coming comedian. He only joined the shinkigeki just the other day.
But he's having a lot of problems.
-What am I supposed to do? -Hey, where's Tsubouchi?
-Again? -Where is he?
New kid!
-You have to get him! -Okay.
What should I do?
Say, "When are you gonna wake up?"
You're a comedian now. You gotta look after your big brothers.
When are you gonna wake up?
Onishi...
Who the hell do you think you're talking to?
Idiot!
Scum!
But that's not all. The other day...
Did you say "x-ray"?
Yeah. One with a broken bone.
Newcomers have to prepare the props. Go get it!
-With a broken bone? -Yeah. Hurry up and find one!
An x-ray...
OKOSHI CLINIC
Doc?
It's not broken.
It's not broken?
-Lucky you. -I'm not lucky!
What the hell? What are you doing?
Don't stop me!
-Don't stop me! -Why not?
Because I'm a comedian... I'm a newcomer...
What the hell?
Stop him! Stop him, now!
Doc! It hurts!
Stop him!
-Stop him! -I broke it.
That's what he does. He's not your normal guy.
I thought he was a little crazy,
but I didn't think he was that crazy.
-I'm hungry. -Me, too.
-Didn't you eat breakfast? -Not at all.
What's up with you? What a sour face.
-Are you dead? -Wanna be dead?
Which one?
-I can't do it. -Do what?
I just don't get it.
-Everything is just so crazy. -Idiot!
That's what it's like for all comedians. You wanna be spoiled?
I didn't want to be a comedian in the first place.
That's why it's so tough.
Young Boss told you to join the shinkigeki.
Do it properly!
-I'm hungry. -You look like you're gonna faint.
-Can you take care of this? -You got it.
Thanks.
-Keep up the good work! -Thanks.
Keep up the good work!
See you later.
-Hey, Sanma. -Uh-oh.
"Uh-oh" is no way to say hello.
-How's Onishi doing? -Yeah, well...
Is he gonna be big?
I guess so.
Should we use all our clout?
He still wouldn't succeed.
We don't need your help.
I've got work to do. Bye.
-What're you looking at? -Sorry.
Hey, what's wrong?
Something troubling you?
Are you short for cash?
-I... -What is it?
-I wanna qui-- -Excuse me!
Come here, guys.
Meet our last minute inclusion. This is Riko.
I'm Riko. It's nice to meet you all.
RIKO KATAYAMA
Nice to meet you, too.
I'm Maki. It's nice to meet you all.
Onishi.
-Hey, Onishi. -Huh?
I didn't want a "huh?"
You're the same age. Make her feel welcome.
Nice to meet you, Onishi. Let's hang in there.
Hang in there.
Let's hang in there.
-So, what were you-- -Nothing.
-But something was troubling you. -No, it wasn't.
Yes, it was. You were so depressed.
-Hang in there. -What's this? You were-- Don't do that to me!
Brother, boxing is so brutal. You have to quit!
REHEARSALS
It's not brutal at all.
Try it for yourself.
Hey. Be her partner.
Be easy on her.
-Ring the bell. -Yes, sir.
I knew it. I could never do anything so brutal!
It's quite swollen.
It must have hurt. Are you really okay?
It's Maki.
What?
Sorry for hitting you so hard, Onishi.
It's okay. It was for the show.
My face is strong anyway.
Don't worry. Okay?
Onishi, you have a nice smile.
Huh?
Oh, Riko. Can you come here?
Sure.
I'll see you tomorrow. We can do it.
Okay.
You have to put this here, and keep it cool.
This smells good.
I have a crush on this girl.
Forget about her.
But why?
I said, forget about her.
FIRST LOVE
Let go.
Let go!
It's great! It really tastes great!
-We won't steal your meat. Just chew it. -I'm sorry.
I give up. You can have it.
-I'm the one who paid for this. -Thank you.
Put some more on.
More meat! That stuff!
How's life, Onishi? Doing your best?
Yes.
I think I've discovered the joy of acting...
Liar!
-It's just that girl, Riko. -Who's that?
Don't get me wrong!
He's never had a girlfriend before. He's a virgin. Of course he's horny.
Wanna go to a brothel?
It'll feel great!
-That's not what I want. -What do you want?
Riko is...
She's just like Maki.
Who's Maki?
Maki is... my first love.
I couldn't speak.
Everyone always made fun of me.
Say something, Onishi.
If you can't speak, you're no different than a monkey.
-Idiot! -Idiot!
What do you think you're doing?
I'll make everyone let you join in.
You'll be fine, Onishi.
Before I knew it, I'd fallen in love.
Thank you, Onishi.
You knew I liked gentian flowers, eh?
This is really good.
I like it.
I like you.
What?
You spoke.
Onishi spoke!
"I like you."
That was the first thing I ever said. "I like you."
After that,
I didn't have to go to the special class for handicapped children.
Really?
-You did well. -So, did you suck her mouth?
-No, I didn't. -You must've done it at least once.
You're backwards when it comes to love.
I got a boner.
Maki...
wasn't like that!
And then...
She got ill.
She didn't come to school for a while.
And then...
This smells good.
What?
Why tell such a sad story? Damn you.
She died? Stuff like that really happens?
That's why.
I know it. I know it's true.
Riko is... She is Maki's reincarnation.
You sure are romantic.
Not so fast.
You were all born the same year. She can't be a reincarnation!
He's right. It doesn't add up.
-You're right! How come? -How should I know?
Idiot.
Can we say they were friends in a previous life?
Why? What is this?
-Let's eat. -No more for you!
-Why? -I'll eat it.
Thank you for coming to see the shinkigeki lead by Kanpei Hazama.
I'm getting nervous.
I'm a thousand times more nervous than you are.
We sweat so hard at the rehearsals. There's no doubt.
You'll be fine, Onishi.
Let's do our best.
Okay.
I gave my whole life to boxing to keep this gym running.
But I don't want to see you get hurt any more, brother.
Boxing is so brutal. You have to quit!
It's not brutal at all. Try it for yourself.
-Hey. Be her partner. -I can't box.
-Be gentle with her. -I can't do this!
-Come and get me! -I can't do this!
I knew it. I could never do anything so brutal!
Thank you all for coming.
Thank you.
-Well done. -Thank you.
-Well done. -Hey, Sanma.
I could see your nipple. Be careful next show.
Sorry. See you.
Hey.
It was funny.
Did it feel good?
Huh? I see.
Big Bro, thank you!
-You came? -That was a shame.
-But they laughed. -And you missed your line.
-I did not. -Yes, you did.
-I did not miss a line. -And there at the end...
Onishi!
You were great! I told you it would go well.
You're early today.
I was going to practice my lines.
Putting in some decent effort, are we?
Riko.
I heard you're doing a new TV show in Tokyo.
Yep. It's called Saturday Night Show. It's really funny.
That's so amazing.
Until now, the person I respected most was my mom.
But now, you're my number one.
-Those two are getting along really well. -They get along well?
That new girl is a big fan of Sanma. She always asks him for a chat.
Sanma looks quite interested himself.
They go out together all the time.
Ain't it good to be young? They make me flush.
She likes him?
You should complain to the manager.
I'll tell them next time.
Onishi! It's you!
We just ran out of money.
You work for Yoshimoto now. You must have some.
Don't!
What do you think you're doing?
Who are you?
He's only got coins in his wallet.
-No way. -Let's go.
See you around.
What's with those guys? Are you okay?
They're friends. We were just playing around.
-But... -I have to go.
Bye.
But, Onishi...
What's with you? You were so bubbly, but look at you now.
I told you to forget about her, right?
No matter how hard you try, you can't beat him.
You know that!
You're annoying. Shut up, Moon!
You look like that soap from Kao!
What a lame attempt at a joke.
THE NANBA KAGETSU THEATER
-Okay, guys, do your best. -Yes, sir.
-Let's take a break. -Yes, sir.
It's time for a break, everyone.
See you. I'm starving.
Mr. Sanma! You came to watch us again?
You're doing your best. I had to.
Thank you.
What do you say to a coffee?
Sure.
Onishi! You coming?
Yes, sir.
You there?
I... I won't go.
Really? Next time, eh?
-Shall we? -Yes.
Thank you for coming to see our final show!
YAMASHITA'S DINER
This really tastes good.
Thanks for coming with me.
Do you come here often?
It's my first time. Mr. Okure told me about it.
He said it's open late, it's cheap and it tastes good.
I've been wanting to come for ages, but not by myself.
I hear Mr. Shoji comes here often, too.
Mr. Sanma lives nearby.
Really?
So, you knew this place?
Have you ever been to his place?
Wouldn't that be dreamy.
So, tell me why.
Your first day was so good, but you stopped trying. Why?
If something's troubling you, tell me.
You've been looking so glum.
I want to see your smile again.
You like him, right?
Like him?
You like Mr. Sanma, don't you?
I do.
You like him too, right?
But that's...
I like him in a different way to how you like him.
How is it different?
It's different!
That's why I can't concentrate on the play.
Onishi, I said I like Mr. Sanma, but--
Exactly! I'd know, even if you lied.
I'm not lying!
I knew it!
You knew what? I really respect Mr. Sanma.
But that doesn't mean I like him the way you think.
The way I like him has nothing to do with love!
But I see you two chatting all the time!
Do you mean when we talk about Tokyo?
I'm going to Tokyo.
Tokyo?
Mr. Sanma has been giving me advice about the move.
I've been thinking about this for a while.
I want to move to Tokyo, and see how well I can do.
I'm sorry for keeping it a secret.
I've been meaning to tell you, but...
Okay. I'll go, too.
-What? -I'll go to Tokyo, too!
I made up my mind. Okay?
If you want to...
But no, you can't! Not so quick! You have to think about it.
And you have the shinkigeki...
I didn't want to become a comedian in the first place.
No matter how hard I try, I can't be like Mr. Sanma.
Mr. Sanma...
He can make people laugh without even trying.
He was born a superstar.
But... I'm not.
I'll tell him I'm quitting now.
Wait here for me! I'll be right back!
Onishi!
Sorry.
You're quitting?
That's right.
I want to quit being a comedian, and quit Yoshimoto.
I figured things out.
No matter how hard I try, I'll never be anything like you.
We're totally different beings.
If that's the case, I should quit altogether.
Please don't stop me!
Okay.
What?
If that's your decision, do it.
Okay.
You're right.
Effort doesn't make the artist.
You are right.
Thank you for everything.
Good luck.
YAMASHITA'S DINER
Riko...
So, we saw another episode.
And Maki became Riko, right?
-Yes. -Right?
The other day Riko came to see me in my dressing room.
And now... You know black tea?
Something about tea... The type you drink.
Her job deals with tea.
And she's rejoined Yoshimoto as a cultural figure.
So, Riko is back.
-Lucky me. -You're not lucky!
-Don't think you're lucky. -Okay.
She turned you down a long time ago.
-Right? -But...
So, she came to see me.
And we met for the first time in decades. We did.
So, that episode was all about Riko Katayama.
-You sure liked her. -I did. You were very kind to her.
-I took her to cafes and gave her advice? -That's right.
I did, huh?
Did you actually ask her out?
-Well... -Yeah?
You told me to tell her how I truly felt.
-I told you to tell her properly. -You said I should.
So...
I asked her,
"Would you please...
...come with me...
Would you please come with me to a hotel?"
-You did? -Yes.
What did she say?
"Mr. Sanma, this man's scaring me."
-That sounds familiar. -Yes.
So, that was pretty much the whole truth, too?
It was.